A brief introduction

My son, Mathew, is about to turn 10. My heart is both breaking and soaring at the thought of the time that has already passed. He is halfway to twenty. This boy, the one who made me a mom, is the greatest miracle of my life. Did you ever stop to think about how impossibly beautiful it is to create life? I have. Nearly every single day since I found out I was pregnant. I clearly remember the second I suspected he was with me. The tingle as I bought the pregnancy test, hoping that it would mean motherhood. My husband and I had only tried for a month; I knew it was terribly unlikely, but still I hoped. And it was. He was. He is.

Our first photo together

Mathew was born a week after his due date. He came into this great big world via c-section. I remember hearing his cry for the first time, and the amazement I felt as he relaxed after hearing my voice. Holding him and nursing him for the first time was like nothing in this world. I became a mom, something that shocked me in the days that followed. Nothing I did was the same. I only ate what would nourish him. I only slept when I knew he was content. I wouldn't leave the house unless he came with me. As I grew into my new role, he grew too. I watched in complete awe as he seemed to change from a newborn to a baby, to a toddler, to a little boy, a big brother, and now to a ten year old kid. Gone are the days where he could easily fit on my lap. He rarely asks to cuddle, but still it happens, and I cherish it with the bittersweet joy of knowing it could be the last time. When he asks me to come lay with him at night, I never say no now. Even when I'm exhausted. I can't bear the thought that I could miss out. Mathew is everything a mom hopes to see in her son. He is kind, caring, goofy, and so unique.

I wanted to share this part of my life because without it, my life wouldn't make sense. To know me, you must know my children. They are where the best parts of me come from. They are the reason for every choice I make, for every sleepless night, for every laugh and every tear. They are my happiness. Even though there are two of them now, he is my original. The one who changed my life.

This little boy stole every bit of my heart. How did this happen? Wasn't I the badass in high school who didn't listen to what anyone told me? Wasn't I the one who said I'd never settle down? I'd never be "trapped" by another person? Yeah...right. I'm trapped, alright. And I wouldn't change a thing.